What I know + SKYTALKS hosted Wendy Rosoff

The first duty of every survivor is to simply acknowledge the existence of trauma, to accept that there are things in this world that can break us
— David J. Morris


This is the face of a survivor. Without even knowing, I had a survivor instinct mode of operation that kicks in automatically, I am grateful for it.

On Tuesday, December 11th, I guest appeared on the live podcast recording of #SKYTALKS, an elevated conversation on compassion. We discussed the trauma event I suffered in 2016 and what my life has bee like after. Life after is the important thrust here because life after is just that life. While the tragedy of sudden loss is so palpable, the living have to remember to live in the best way possible.

There are two top takeaways I want to share are very simple, when death appears in your life know that those around you before may not be those around you after. Everyone cannot handle major life events, they simply can’t. Some find that they do not know what to say or how to show up for you so they simply disappear. Know that it is OK for that to happen because you need the strong not the weak in this moment of ascension.

The second, don’t apologize. Because of who my late husband was, I found myself having to stomach the load of others who thought it was OK to dump their grief and the weight of their loss on me. Somehow in the malaise of his passing they forgot I was the widow with a newborn baby needing to start her life entirely over. I found myself apologizing for their loss! CRAZY!

Knowing when and how to put yourself first, especially if you are the WIFE who has loss your husband is the only thing that makes sense in this situation. This includes family, extended family and friends. If they can’t understand the you come first they are not on your team and thus should be removed from your corner. I found the block option on my phone and social media to be very helpful during this time of awakening.

Not everyone knows how to deal with grief even I had to learn some critical techniques to continue to survive!

with love,

Maryam